The Argument

(originally published March 7, 2012)

How then can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? (Romans 10:14)
…faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ. (Romans 10:17)

I walked into the grocery store sending my shooting arrow prayer to His throne.

Father, use me today.

I was alone and walked immediately to the produce…my favorite section. I was gathering fresh vegetables for our salad and fresh fruit for the large bowl in the kitchen. Thursday was a good day to shop since the shelves tend to be fully stocked in expectation of the weekend shoppers.

I got to know the people who worked at the store from my weekly visits and began to call them by name. That doesn’t happen right away. Familiarity takes time.

Every week I talked to the man in the produce. He was such a hard worker. He stacked the vegetables neatly and rearranged the rows when shoppers like me selected what we needed. There were no gaps when he put the produce in place. I was amazed at his precision.

He wore an apron spotted with the colors of the produce he tenderly cared for…his hat had wisps of hair poking through. He wore glasses that never seemed to stay on his nose the way they should. He was always pushing them back up the bridge.

He smiled a tired sort of smile and some teeth were missing. He would ask about my children. We talked about the weather forecast and all the other safe things you say to someone you don’t know well.

This particular Thursday was the week before Thanksgiving. My cart would be well stocked in preparation for our dinner. Since the meal was on my mind, I asked him,

Are you cooking for Thanksgiving?

I regretted saying the words as soon as they came out of my mouth. I knew nothing about his life, or his family…or if he even had a family. Why did I ask that question?

No, my wife will do that…

I was glad that he had a wife.

I walked away saying something awkward about hoping he enjoyed his wife’s cooking.
He didn’t look up. He continued to place the vegetables neatly in rows.

Then it came…the thought…the prompting…that wouldn’t go away.

NO, LORD. I CAN’T SAY THAT !!!
NO, LORD. WHAT WILL HE THINK?
NO, LORD.

I fumbled with the tomatoes, that I didn’t need. They were already in my cart. I knocked some to the ground. He came to the rescue and picked them up efficiently and placed them back in neat rows.

NO, LORD.
MAYBE, LORD.
YES, LORD…BUT I NEED YOUR HELP.

My words started out slow. The volume was lower than I thought possible.

You know…I don’t know what I would do without my faith.
(Lord, I’m struggling. I need your help.)
I really need God in my life every day. I don’t know what I would do without Him.
(I’m uncomfortable, Lord. It’s all in Your hands.)
I just want you to know that God loves you. He really loves you.

He stopped what he was doing and looked right at me. He stared at me for a long time.
I never broke his gaze…though I wanted to look away.

I used to know that…a long time ago…

There was nothing more to say.
I argued with God and He won !!!

For the next few weeks, I didn’t see him. I wanted to ask about his Thanksgiving.
I wanted to watch him stack the vegetables neatly.

I asked about him. Six weeks had gone by. It was not like him to miss work.
He was so efficient…all those neat rows…never a gap…

Oh, didn’t you know?
…thought everyone knew…
…heart attack in the storeroom…
…died about a month ago…

The room swirled a bit. The vegetable rows were crooked.
The new man in the produce section had a clean apron.

Father, use me today.
I never imagined…