Never Alone

Every parent can relate to the busyness of his or her schedule.
Even if you limit the activities your children do, you still feel like you live in your car.
It is not keeping up with the Jones-es.
It is allowing your child to expand their horizons, with parameters and limits.

With five children, we only allowed each child to do ONE thing a season.
If you did a fall sport that is all you did until the spring sports began.
Even with only one activity each, I still had five children doing one activity each.
My calendar was color coded for each child.
Schedules hung by magnets on the refrigerator.

Saturdays were interesting when each child had a game.
My husband coached when they were young.
That still meant splitting your time between the others and coordinating schedules.

I never felt like I really was able to enjoy being a spectator.
There was always someone younger who wanted to play on the swings.
Or someone who had to go to the bathroom.
It was a luxury to go to a game or practice by myself and support my child.

I remember when my younger son played baseball in fourth grade.
It was one of those nights when I needed to drop him off at the field, leave, and come back.
Usually another mother knew what I was doing and could keep an eye on things.

This one particular night, I left knowing I had about an hour until his practice ended.
Coming back to the field, I was behind a truck on a road where I could not pass.
I had plenty of time since practice would not be over for another half hour.

I got to the field and it was empty.
The parking lot was empty except for a few cars of families playing on the playground.
I panicked.
Where was my son?

I drove around the parking lot, near the pavilion, and next to the playground.
No sign of him anywhere.
The sky was getting that dusky color and everything looked different to me.
As I drove around, not knowing what to do next, I saw him.

My son, standing by himself at the edge of the field, where the parking lot began.
His hat on his head, his glove in his hand.
He looked so small and helpless to me.
I stopped the car and got out and hugged him without wanting to let go.

There were the brave tears in his eyes; the ones that want to come, but are held back.
Where were you? he asked the all important question; the question that cut to my heart.

Where was I?
Running to and fro…helping everyone do their “one thing each”.
Someone always seemed to get the short end of the stick.
That night, he was the one!

I told him where I was and asked him to tell me what happened.
The coach finished early and told us to stay on the field until we saw our mom.
I saw our minivan and told him you were here, and he let me go.
Except when I got to the minivan, it wasn’t you!

Now one tear was slowly making an appearance in the corner of his eye.
That tenacious tear held on and never fell.
Why didn’t you go back and tell your coach it wasn’t me?

I walked around the parking lot a while, thinking you were there, but I didn’t see you.

Mother of the year award I would not receive!

I envisioned all that could have happened.
Someone could have easily picked him up and drove away with no one knowing.
Anyone could have…

I blinked back the tears.
I am so sorry. I should never have left. I am so sorry that you were scared.
He never said that he was scared, but he never denied it either.
He felt terribly alone.

I called the coach when we got home and told him what happened.
I took responsibility for my part…leaving no matter how short a time.
I asked him to help as well.
I asked him not to let any child leave the field unless he personally SEES the parent.

He agreed; he was a father as well.
Any parent can relate to the what-ifs.
Any parent feels the guilt that tugs at your heart.
You cannot possibly be everywhere at once or be all things to all people.

But God can!

O Lord, You have searched me and You know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; You perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; You are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, You know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in, behind and before; You have laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there; If I make my bed in the depths, You are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, You right hand will hold me fast. (Psalm 139:1-10)

My son was not alone that night.
God was with him.
When I wasn’t there, God was.
We prayed in gratitude for God’s protection.

My son is a man now.
I’m not there in the day to day, nor should I be.
My prayers are there; lifted on his behalf each day.
The Lord Jesus is there, always.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)