Jan
23
2014
Shoveling
Posted in Family Life 3 Comments
Another winter storm has hit the Northeast.
During the day and through the night, twelve inches of snow has fallen.
The weather forecasters have told us that the snow will be around for a while.
The temperatures will remain well below freezing for the next week.
We are already plowed out.
The driveway is white with pressed down snow; bare in spots; teasing the eye.
Soon the snow will be a memory and spring will be on its coattails.
For now, we shovel.
We shovel our walkways, front and back, providing clear passage to our doors.
We shovel what is before us and toss it to the side.
Shoveling snow is one thing.
There are other kinds of shoveling.
There is shoveling Truth under the rug.
There is shoveling bad publicity over to the spin room.
There is shoveling obstacles out of the way of our children.
All of that shoveling has come with a great price.
Truth shoveling produces a heap so large it encompasses the whole room.
Bad publicity shoveling is like a comedic whirligig, spinning and getting nowhere.
Shoveling obstacles out of the way of our children is the most detrimental of all.
Shoveling obstacles is seen as a way of vaccinating them against failure.
I go before my child and clear the way.
Nothing harmful will ever touch them.
Seems like a good idea until we realize that they have never learned to cope.
They have never learned to think for themselves.
They have been enabled all along with no skill set to solve problems.
In the past twenty years, things have changed drastically when it comes to raising children.
Field days at school used to have winning teams and losing teams.
Now, everyone is a winner.
If you got in trouble at school, you were sure to get in trouble at home.
If you misbehaved in your neighborhood, your mother was sure to get a phone call.
Children accepted correction from those in authority and faced the consequences.
What has all this shoveling produced?
There’s too much homework; there is no time for swimming, dance, and karate.
I want you to make sure that “so and so” doesn’t tease my child.
My child needs to be more challenged and needs more enrichment.
Shoveling the path, making sure it is clear and smooth sailing for our child.
Except life is not smooth sailing.
Life does not have clear paths.
We are not always going to be here to help our child with life.
We shovel.
We work.
They sit.
They learn to have someone else fight their battles.
The shoveling has to stop!
Children have to build up immunities to life.
They have to be in the thick of things sometimes in order to get stronger.
If we shovel everything away, the child will only know how to live when things are easy.
Life is not easy!
Too much activity leaves no time for free play.
No time to explore, imagine, or discover.
Too much activity is stressful for a child.
Children must learn to problem solve on their own.
Children must learn to wait for things they want; the acquisition is sweeter.
Children must learn to be still and entertain themselves productively.
When a parent spends their time shoveling, a child learns entitlement.
Entitlement is the opposite of grace.
Grace is getting what we don’t deserve.
Entitlement is the feeling or belief that you deserve to be given something.
Grace grows a child.
Entitlement stifles their growth.
Parental shoveling is hard work.
Parental shoveling is unnecessary.
Parental shoveling is not advocacy.
There is no better advocate for a child than their parent.
An advocate doesn’t do things for the child.
An advocate steps in and argues for them, if need be, when they do it themselves.
If we do all the work, there is nothing to argue for, nothing to fight for.
If we do all the work, it is our battle, our accomplishment, not theirs.
If we do all the work, they will never learn how to work.
Instead of shoveling for our children, let’s hand them the shovel.
Let’s watch the creative ways they problem solve.
Let’s be amazed at the amount of things they can accomplish.
Let’s cheer them on as they learn to shovel the debris out of their way themselves.
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
(Proverbs 22:6)
Training, not shoveling.
Going before them as we lead and then getting out of the way.
Discipling our children, not doing things for them.
Life is hard.
To allow our children to think otherwise is lying to them.
Give them the skills they need to solve problems.
Put down the shovel.
Better yet, hand the shovel to them.
I agree with Diane. Very well said!
Jean and Diane,
I am glad this post blessed the both of you. We live in a culture of ease that affects adults as well. We are paying a great price. I know that if we ask for God’s help to redirect us, things can turn around.
Gina
Excellent Gina – well said!