Covenantal Love

Today, my husband and I are married for thirty-three years.
Three decades plus three.
Not the milestone anniversary the card stores celebrate.
Yet a milestone nonetheless.

A journey was begun all those years ago.
Two lives came together as one to begin a new life.
Five children were born of that union.
Joys, sorrows, peace, conflict, laughter, tears: the ebb and flow of a life lived together.

We were so young when we married.
Twenty-two years old, right out of college.
If you count our high school years together, we have known each other since ninth grade.
Soph hop, junior prom, senior prom, college formals: the patchwork quilt of memories.

We were engaged on Christmas day of our senior year of college.
My husband had been flying all over the country interviewing for engineering jobs.
He was very run down, got sick, and was in bed with the flu.
All his engagement plans had fallen through since he never counted on getting sick.

He knew Christmas Eve was my favorite day of the year.
That was the day that he had planned for us to become engaged.
But life has a way of throwing curve balls and instead of being together we were apart.
It was not until the next day, when I went over to see him; I saw how sick he really was.

The bedroom door open, and family members around, I sat on the bed and held his hand.
He reached under the bed and pulled out a little box.
No words, no question, just a simple gesture and loving gaze.
I had not expected this, since he was not working yet and we were still in school.

I opened the box to find the most beautiful ring.
My mind was racing with delight, confusion, frustration, and the desire for him to get well.
This was not the way he planned it.
He never even officially asked me to marry him, as I have teased him about over the years.

Somehow, it was appropriate.
We are not extravagant people; we do not need a fuss made over things.
Everything we knew and we felt for each other had been said and was tucked in my heart.
In sickness and in health took on a whole new meaning.

Ten months later, we were married.
We honeymooned and came back to our apartment in Lancaster County.
We knew each other so well for so many years, yet we had to figure out living together.
I was the only child who never shared a room in her life.

I remember our first fight.
It was over toothpaste.
I had been raised that you keep nothing out on the bathroom sink.
Everything was either in the medicine cabinet or in the vanity below.

With seven other siblings, he was used to things on the bathroom sink.
With many brothers sharing one bathroom, it was inevitable.
I would quietly put away the toothpaste and other personal items each morning.
He would get them back out again at night.

This went on for quite a while with neither of us saying anything.
I would put them away; he would take them out.
Stop moving my things, he said firmly.
I like my things around me, he said, but I didn’t like his tone.

Here I was, a new wife, hearing a tone I never heard before; my tears were very close.
In his world, you discuss, you compromise; he didn’t know how to respond to my tears.
After a few minutes, we realized it was not the end of the world and we finally talked.
His things remained on the bathroom sink, albeit neatly.

It throws you when you have a disagreement as a newly married couple.
It feels as if the honeymoon is over.
That is because you don’t have the years under your belt yet.
One fight is not the end of the world and in fact, it can make you stronger.

It was not the last disagreement we would ever have.
That somehow goes with the territory in this fallen world.
Thankfully, God knows what He is doing.
God instituted marriage as a covenant between one man and one woman.

A covenant is not a contract.

Contracts can be broken.
Covenants cannot be broken.

Contracts focus on I.
Covenants focus on you.

Contracts are more about taking.
Covenants are more about giving.

Contracts are concerned with, what do I get out of it?
Covenants are concerned with, how I can serve you?

Contracts are more of a “have to” relationship.
Covenants are more of a “want to” relationship.

The covenant aspect of the relationship binds the couple together for life.
Only death can separate them.
They are joined together before God and witnesses promising to love, honor, and cherish.
Love when arguments come; love when you don’t always like; love no matter what.

God knows that we need help with our pronouns.
We tend to want to use the word I far more than the word You.
But You is what a marriage is all about.
We all need to remind ourselves of that fact whether it is an anniversary or a regular day.

The world needs to see this kind of love with all its imperfections.
The world needs to see couples that have stood the test of time because of Him.
The world can attempt to redefine but it is futile to unravel what God has woven together.
The world does not understand covenants made before God unless we show them.

Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death…many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. (Song of Songs 8:6,7)