No-Man’s Land

Talk to any mother and she will have her own discipline stories.
She will tell you what works for her children and what is not effective at all.
If you put the various methods together, they would make a very interesting book.
However, not necessarily an effective one, since every child and every family is different.

It is good for mothers to share stories.
It is good to hear you are not alone as you raise the next generation.
It is good to sift through the stories you hear, incorporating some into your own life.
Tossing away others that would simply not work for your child.

I shared one such story with a young mother.
A disciplining method that just happened without much thought before hand.
A method that was highly effective.
A method that to this day perplexes me as to why it worked so well.

Time outs were not something we did in our home.
For some of my children, just looking at them in a disdaining way was enough.
Television was kept to a bare minimum, so taking that away would have meant nothing.
Taking away a favorite toy was most effective.

Not just taking it away.
Rather putting it away in a kind of no-man’s land.
Whenever the situation called for it, the offender had to put their favorite toy in my closet.
They had to be the one to carry their toy all the way down the long hallway.

They had to be the one to tuck the toy way in the back of my closet.
They had to be the one that closed the door that usually remained open.
There the toy stayed in the closet for twenty-four hours.
It was is if they were walking to a firing squad, carrying the special toy in their arms.

There the toy sat overnight, lonesome, solitary, in a sea of clothes and shoes.
Early the next morning the child would be very anxious to retrieve their toy.
Retrieve their toy from no-man’s land.
We would talk about the offense; I would firmly tell them that it could not happen again.

With teary eyes and lingering hugs, we would set off down the long hallway.
We walked together to my bedroom, to my closet, and opened the door.
There was their toy, waiting for them.
With squeals and hugs they would grab their toy, hug me, and go off to play.

I can still see their little faces walking to the closet.
I can see the regret in their eyes, knowing that what they did was grave enough for this.
They would talk at bedtime about how lonely their doll must be.
They would remark about how sad it was that their favorite super hero was by himself.

It was the putting away, the being out of reach that proved to be most effective.
The only way to get their toy back again was to change their behavior.
The dread of putting their toy in my closet was enough to deter them the next time.
There were relapses from time to time, but they knew the consequences.

They didn’t like them.

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do, the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God – through Jesus Christ our Lord. (Romans 7:15-25)

When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.
That is why parents are called to train their children.
Our natural instincts are to do just what the apostle Paul described in his letter.
For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.

We, as parents, must help our children learn to “carry it out.”
They must learn about the war that rages within them.
The sin nature that we all posses.
The redemption that can come only through Jesus Christ.

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 6:23)

Like my children walking down the long hallway, the consequence was clear.
It was the putting away, the being out of reach that proved to be so terribly hard for them.
It is hard for all of us.
Sin separates us from God.

We need to be reconciled to Him through His Son, Jesus.
Until we have that reconciliation, we are far off.
We don’t like it at all.
We talk about our offense to Him; He tells us to sin no more.

He sees the regret in our eyes.
He knows that we are truly sorry.
He also knows that there will be relapses from time to time.
We can always come to Him and know that a forgiving hug is waiting.

The only Rescuer from our endless battle with sin is Jesus Christ.
Jesus was put away on a cross, outside the city in no-man’s land.
Jesus did it for us.
His long walk, all alone, happened so that we can be reconciled to the Father.

Long hugs and squeals of delight await us on that Day.
All because of our Rescuer.
Thanks be to God.
Through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

 

2 responses to “No-Man’s Land”

1. What a great way to discipline your kids! No spanking, yelling, threatening. Just teaching them that there are consequences to our actions. We as adults need to remember that.

   Reply

   • Sue,
     I think it worked so well because there was a direct connection between what they did wrong and the consequence. The fact that they were the ones who had to put the toy far off in “no-man’s land” made it even worse. Even today, they still remember how this made them feel.
     Gina

     Reply