The Video Camera

We got our first video camera when our oldest daughter was eighteen months old.
It was the perfect time to capture her life as a toddler.
It was the perfect time to record her little voice.
Time stands still for a moment when you watch old family videos.

Unless you had a video camera back in the early 80’s, you cannot relate to the differences.
Unlike an iPhone that you can easily take out of your pocket or purse, this camera was large.
It resembled a huge brick; a brick that needed to rest on your shoulder.
A brick that needed to be plugged into an electrical outlet since the battery life was short.

The camera was so cumbersome, you only took it out on special occasions.
Your life was not chronicled as easily as it can be now.
Moments were indeed missed.
All of the footage was filmed on VHS tape.

We had boxes of tapes from our children’s growing up years.
My husband had all of that footage put on DVD’s.
It is much easier to find what you are looking for.
He also got a “best of” DVD made for each of our children that contain the family highlights.

I remember the shows my children would put on as they stood on the fireplace hearth.
To hear their little voices singing the songs they learned in childhood is precious to me.
To relive many Christmas mornings is a step back into time.
To see our family grow with the birth of each baby makes my heart sing.

Most mothers of my generation regret that we do not have more footage of our children.
It was terribly difficult to be spontaneous when you were tethered to an outlet.
It was difficult to capture whimsical moments when you had to set up so many things first.
It was unthinkable to have a video camera in your pocket that was so readily available.

I remember when our oldest daughter was learning to ride a bike without training wheels.
She wanted her Daddy to film her so she could watch it on TV.
That was the part my children liked the best, being able to view themselves immediately.
My husband got everything ready and charged the battery so he could walk beside her.

I went to the end of the driveway so I could cheer when she reached the mailbox.
She was so ready to do this when we were inside the house.
She had second thoughts about doing this when we were outside.
My husband had the camera all ready to go on his shoulder but she would not budge.

I tried to coax her gently, reminding her of how well she did when she practiced.
She really wanted to be filmed as she rode her bike.
Obviously, that was not going to happen today.
Unbeknownst to me, my husband was filming the whole time.

We have footage of her remaining at the top of the driveway.
We have footage of our second daughter walking around carrying her favorite pocketbook.
We have footage of the house and the rocks and the street as he waited for her to decide.
We have footage of me coaxing her ever so sweetly.

Except, I didn’t feel so sweet in my heart.
In fact, I was very annoyed at her.
I remember.
It startled me to realize that the frustration was not evident in my voice.

I sounded so encouraging when I really wanted to vent my frustration.
My voice was so calm when inside me I was anything but peaceful.
I was surprised that my true feelings did not seem to come through.
That was both good and bad at the same time.

I always learned never to mask my feelings but to manage them.
Cameras never lie, we hear.
However cameras can be wrong.
That camera did not capture the way I was truly feeling on that afternoon.

Their tongue is a deadly arrow; it speaks with deceit. With his mouth each speaks cordially to his neighbor but in his heart he sets a trap for him. (Jeremiah 9:8)

I was not setting a trap for my daughter by any means.
However my cordial tone outwardly was not the true state of my heart inwardly.
I have this verse underlined in my Bible.
Whenever I read it, I remember the video of this particular day.

This verse in God’s Word has always convicted me.
I desire with all my heart to speak cordially with my mouth.
I desire with all my heart to have a heart that matches the tone of my words.
I want my walk and my talk to agree.

This is what the world needs to see.
This is absolutely impossible to accomplish without the Lord.
Our walk and our talk often disagree.
We can put our best face forward and yet our hearts can be so ugly.

The imbalance cannot possibly please the Lord.
That is why we have His Holy Spirit to help us.
The Holy Spirit sanctifies us and makes us more like Jesus.
The Holy Spirit helps us so that our yes means yes and our no means no.

Above all, my brothers, do not swear – not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. Let your “Yes” be yes, and your “No,” no, or you will be condemned. (James 5:12)

God desires that what we say to our neighbor and how we feel in our heart is the same.
God does not leave us alone to figure this out.
The Holy Spirit will guide us in all truth.
It matters to God that our walk and our talk be in agreement.

God’s Word convicts me not only in a video from years ago but also on a day-to-day basis.
How many times do my words say one thing but my heart says another?
How many times do I do the right thing on the outside, but on the inside I am protesting?
The video captured the truth; there is a constant battle going on inside our hearts.

I think back to that video often.
Others may never know the state of our heart but God does.
Others may think that because our words are sweet our heart must be in agreement.
That may not always be the case.

I stand convicted by a video.
A video that to anyone else I was simply being an encouraging mom.
A video that shows me that my words and my feelings did not match.
Nobody ever knew.

Nobody but God.