Letting Go

I remember when my children were learning to walk.
They would pull themselves up and sidestep along the sofa or the coffee table.
They were quite mobile as they did their little sideways dance.
It was letting go that was the problem.

I would watch them reach precariously from one piece of furniture to the next.
In the reaching, they could easily tumble and fall.
They did everything in their power to hold on.
Somehow they managed to get where they needed to be with this calculated path.

How I wish I could have shown them that letting go is part of the process.
All sorts of enticements were put in their path to encourage them to take that step.
None of them would let go just because I encouraged them to do so.
They would let go only when they were ready.

I knew more than they did about the safety of letting go.
There was nothing dangerous in their path.
There was nothing harmful if indeed they did tumble.
The truth could not be communicated to them; it must be experienced.

My husband’s mother told me about a trick she used.
She said that she would put a small, safe toy in each of her children’s hands.
They would think that they were holding on to the furniture or some sort of safety net.
She would kneel just beyond where they were standing and call to them.

I tried her tactic with some soft, squeezable toys.
To my surprise, it worked.
It was not furniture, but my children didn’t seem to notice.
It was something to hold onto, something that helped to steady them.

They began to take steps further and further away from the furniture.
They began to walk unassisted.
Soon they were able to walk without holding onto anything.
As they got sure of their footing, they could bend over and pick up an object without falling.

Mobility.
The small baby that was totally satisfied staying in one place was now on the move.
The world that was once small and confined suddenly expanded.
New dangers needed to be anticipated and removed if possible.

However, no parent can anticipate everything.
Despite the fact that we had gates at the stairs, each of my children tumbled down.
The corners of tables and my children’s heads were not friends.
Soap or shampoo was bound to get in their eyes despite my careful attention.

The immobile world of the baby became mobile, as it should.
With growth came new challenges.
With growth came new adventures.
No parent can keep their child small forever.

Growth inevitably happens.

The primitive reflexes we all have were brought to my attention.
One such reflex is called the Palmar grasp reflex.
This reflex appears at birth and continues until five or six months of age.
If an object is placed in the baby’s hand or touches their palm, their fingers close and grasps it.

We all have seen that reflex in our children when they grab onto our finger.
They will hold on quite tightly.
It is instinctive to hold on.
Perhaps it is not so instinctive to let go.

But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and He brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh. (Genesis 2:20-24)

Letting go is hard.
For babies, letting go is a scary process.
Letting go is hard.
For parents, letting go happens gradually.

It seems all backwards.
We want our children to let go of the furniture so they can begin to walk on their own.
However, as they grow and exert their independence, the letting go process seems too fast.
We put parameters on the letting go process for their protection and guidance.

At our son’s wedding, the pastor did an amazing thing.
He asked the parents of the bride and the parents of the groom to stand.
He spoke about how much love, support, time, and effort had been poured into our children.
He asked us some questions that we had to affirm before our children and the congregation.

He asked us if we promised to pray for our children.
He asked us if we promised to support our children.
He asked us if we promised not to interfere in our children lives.
He asked us if we promised not to get between them as husband and wife.

We all answered, We will, to each of the questions.
The pastor knew that letting go is hard.
It was as if he put a soft, squeezable toy in each of our hands to help the process.
Actually, he did put something in our hands.

He put the Lord Jesus’ hands into our hands.
He encouraged us to trust Him.
The new bride and groom will hold onto each other as they hold onto the Lord.
We as their parents, let go but we are not empty handed.

We are holding the best possible Hands in this letting go process.
We hold onto the Lord Jesus and He steadies us.
We hold onto Him and He helps us maneuver this unknown territory.
We can safely step out because of WHO we are holding onto.

The bride and groom will be fine.
The parents of  the bride and the parents of the groom will be fine.
Letting go is never easy but it is necessary.
Even when we do not know the exact path, we know the ONE we are holding onto.

And that means everything.