Forced Stillness

Right after New Year’s Day, I got a cold.
This usually happens to me right around the same time every year.
We women have so much to do around the holidays, that it is bound to catch up with us.
For me, once I started to feel better, I went back to my old habits.

Old habits such as going to bed later than I should.
Old habits like not giving myself enough down time to rest.
My cold came back, with a vengeance.
Old habits die hard.

I had just shown my husband my calendar on my phone the week before.
There was literally a dot on every day.
I ran over the different things quickly, with a caveat.
I don’t usually have such a full calendar, I said as if that would justify it.

I am a strong believer in stillness.
Stillness opens up a place for me to think.
Stillness quiets me, which allows my creativity to flow.
For me, having a full calendar is a mistake.

I wondered why I allowed myself to forget.
I wondered why I did not listen to the inner voice that told me to slow down.
My husband was leaving for work on the day of the first big event.
I had a dinner to go to with my husband that evening.

It was a work event and I wanted to be there to support hm.
He knew that I had the beginnings of a cold and told me to rest that day.
Text me, if you don’t feel well; it’s too long of a drive for you if you’re sick.
I was meeting him at his office and then we would leave to go to the dinner.

By the afternoon, I knew that I was not going to be able to make the dinner.
I waited until an hour before I was to leave and sent him a text.
Any thoughts? were the words that ended my text.
You should stay home and go to bed early. Feel better. Love you.

I was so disappointed and knew that my husband was disappointed as well.
There were people at the dinner I wanted to see.
I wanted to be next to my husband.
I wanted to support him when he got up to speak.

I took his advice and went to bed before 8:30 that night.
I slept until 6:30 the next morning.
That was Wednesday.
I consistently cancelled all of those dots on my calendar from Wednesday to Sunday.

My body needed time to rest.
I didn’t listen when I should have listened.
Busyness took its toll; it finally made me listen.
It actually taught me quite a bit.

We think we are masters of our schedule.
We think that our calendar is written in stone.
Those dots on our phone calendars are not there to make us feel important.
If truth be told, the blank spaces are the ones to which we should pay attention.

Those clean blank spaces.
Those spaces that say, you have nothing scheduled.
Those spaces that say, rest.
Those spaces that say, stillness.

Those blank spaces that the world screams to fill.
It is almost like Vanity Fair in Pilgrim’s Progress, calling out its wares.
You have to be very strong to refuse.
You have to be very strong to not get sucked in to its lures.

Often, we are not strong enough.
Often, busyness rears its ugly head and we pay attention.
Are the dots on our calendar an ego booster?
Are the dots on our calendar demonstrating our importance?

For many of us, the answers to those questions is unequivocally, no.
For many of us, the dots on our calendars are for important events.
For many of us, it is hard to say, no, to what is truly a good thing.
However, for our health and well-being, we must.

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business, and make money.” Why you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”
(James 4:13-15)

When we fill our calendars, do we even consider the Lord’s will?
When we put another dot on our calendar, do we take the time to pray if it should be there?
Who does our calendar belong to anyway?
Jesus is Lord even of our calendars.

I pondered this truth and realized that I failed to consider Him when I put on another dot.
Every dot on my calendar was worthwhile.
The activities were God-honoring.
However, God had a different plan for me.

God knew that I needed to be still.
I did not listen to the quiet prompts that told me to be still.
I plowed through, thinking I knew best.
It caught up with me and stillness was forced upon me.

I am so glad that it was.
I missed quite a few things from Wednesday to Sunday including church, which I love.
Some things will be rescheduled.
Some things cannot be rescheduled.

I learned my lesson the hard way.
Through boxes of tissues, lots of sneezing, a doctor’s visit, and early bedtimes, I learned.
I think the lesson sunk in.
With the Lord’s help, it sunk in.