The Courting Candle

I pass by something in my living room every day.
I am so used to it being there I forget about it.
It happened to catch my eye.
I began to ponder its significance.

It would be considered just a simple, country decoration.
It is something that is a conversation piece for those that may know nothing about it.
It has lost the meaning and purpose it once had.
It was used especially by the father to set necessary boundaries for his daughter.

I found one many years ago.
It has always been very special to me.
It represents a time gone by.
However, the values behind it are timeless.

It is an Amish courting candle.
I actually have the courting candle on a tea cart that belonged to my mother.
It is in front of the pictures of my two children who were married this past summer.
Each frame holds an engagement picture of each of these precious couples.

There was a time when a courting candle represented an important part of the household and family. But with time and changing cultures, its popularity faded. Today, courting candles serve more as a decorative piece. With their beautiful and intricate wrought iron coiled design, these collectibles of yesteryear are easily identifiable and coveted.

In the 1600’s to the 1800’s, courting candles were used by the man of the home to set boundaries for his daughter. When the daughter’s suitor came calling, the father lit the candle in a sitting room where the couple conversed. When the candles burnt to the metal at the top of the candle holder, it was time for the suitor to promptly leave. However, the father could change the height of the candle based on how comfortable he felt about the suitor. Also, the father could immediately snuff out the candle or add a second candle depending on what he deemed necessary. The courting candle served as a quiet, yet firm reminder to the suitor to end his date.

Rich or poor, the courting candle was used by fathers from all economic backgrounds. It taught daughters to respect their parents’ judgment. The candle also taught the suitor to defer to the father’s ability to judge a man. Although it may sound like a crazy notion by today’s standards, the courting candle served as an important boundary line in the family and social fabrics. (http://www.timelesswroughtiron.com/history-of-courting-candles)

I love the little wooden knob that can be set anywhere along the spiral candlestick.
I love knowing that the girl’s father used his discretion as to how long a visit could be.
Parameters were set.
Nothing mattered more to him than his daughter’s virtue and protection.

A precious woman that comes to Bible study in my home told me a story.
When she was dating the man that would be her husband, her father waited for her.
The car would pull up to the house and after only a few minutes the front light would blink.
The man, who would be her husband, was very handy and was able to repair anything.

As he opened the door for her to walk her to the door, he made a comment.
I can come back tomorrow and fix that front light; I think there is a short somewhere.
She was too embarrassed to tell him the real reason for the blinking light.
She had to admit the truth before he showed up at the door the next morning.

There is no short in the front light, she told him in almost a whisper.
That is just my father telling me it is time to come inside.
This sweet woman is in her 80s, though she looks and acts ten to fifteen years younger.
To hear her story makes me a bit wistful for a simpler, more innocent time.

How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. (Psalm 119:9-11)

Courting candles and blinking front lights accomplished the same purpose.
They both were used to set limits.
They both were used to set parameters of behavior.
They both were a gentle reminder that purity mattered.

I used to say the same thing to my children as they grew up.
They remind me of all the times those words were said.
Not a hint of impropriety.
That was taught to them over and over.

I could not be everywhere, nor should I be, but God was there.
Behavior is either governed from the outside or it is governed from the inside.
Parents hope and pray that their children will be governed from the inside.
The values and morals that parents instill in their children are not instilled in vain.

It is a parent’s job to set limits.
It is a parent’s job to instill God’s values in their children.
It is a parent’s job to teach morality to their children.
A parent needs help to do that job.

God does not give us a job and then leave us alone.
God lays out in His Word how we are to live.
God’s Word is like a courting candle.
It is God, the perfect Father, that sets the appropriate limits.

After all, Jesus is the Bridegroom.
It matters that His Bride is pure.
It matters that His Bride is holy, without a hint of impropriety.
It matters that His Bride is washed clean and belongs only to Him.

I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to Him. (2 Corinthians 11:2)

The courting candle is set.
One day the Bridegroom will return for His Bride.
We who are washed clean by the Blood of the Lamb will be holy and pure for Him.
Not a hint of impropriety or sin will be seen in us ever again.

We will feast at the wedding supper of the Lamb.
Maranatha.
Come, Lord Jesus.
Come.