Second Guessing

I always did well in school but I was never a great test taker.
I secretly wished that there were other ways to show what I knew on any given topic.
It was the apprehension of the test that was the problem for me.
I knew the material; it was just the method of finding out what I knew that I did not like.

My mother was a wonderful help to me.
She would quiz me on things.
She would go over my spelling words.
She would make me write things over if it was not done in my best penmanship.

The work was always mine; however, my work had to get passed her first.
My mother always told me that going to school is a privilege.
That was appropriate coming from her since she left high school early.
It was during the Depression and she decided to go to work to help out her family.

Being able to go to school without interruption was indeed a privilege.
Being able to go on to college was a gift.
Education was very important to her.
Education became very important to me as well.

In those elementary school years, I often wished my mother was less diligent.
I often wished my penmanship could be overlooked.
I hoped that my spelling words would be easy enough to get through after only one time.
I wanted to move on to other things and homework hindered those other options.

My homework was checked and signed, which was expected when I was in school.
My time was my own after my work was finished.
That expectation has not been lost on me all these years later.
I still need to finish something before I can actually sit and relax.

It was always the test days that were the most annoying.
Taking tests was bothersome enough.
Bringing them home was another issue all together.
It was not that I feared any repercussions; it was just that I was always found out.

My mother would always look at the questions that were marked wrong.
You changed your answer, she would say in a matter of fact tone.
It was not an accusation.
It was a detection.

She was not accusing me of changing my answer dishonestly.
How did you know? I would ask as a little girl amazed that she always knew.
She would even know the answer I wrote first.
She knew every time.

You had the right answer, she would say.
Why did you change it? She pressed.
I didn’t think it was right so I erased it, I would answer.
You second guessed yourself, my mother would say.

It took me a while to understand why erasing those first answers was so important to her.
You are a smart girl, she would remind me.
God gave you an amazing brain, she would continue.
Why don’t you trust what you know is right? She would end her questioning with those words.

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. (James 1:5-8)

Double-minded.
Second guessing.
Doubt.
Character traits that tend to make us behave more like the waves of the sea.

My mother was training me for life, not just for a grade on a test.
She knew that the brain God gave me also comes with the wisdom He imparts.
We have the mind of Christ. (1 Corinthians 2:16)
If we trust that truth, we will learn to trust our God-given discernment.

Discernment is being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure.
Spiritual discernment is calling on the Holy Spirit to lead or give direction on a matter.
It is how the Spirit shows the church or its people what God wants them to do and be.
Discernment and Godly wisdom go hand in hand.

We often over think things.
We mull things over and consider every option before making a decision.
However, in Christ, we must trust the Holy Spirit inside us to lead and to guide.
When we fail to listen to that inner prompting, we often make wrong choices.

You can trust your answer on a matter if you have prayed and truly sought God’s face first.
We must live Coram Deo.
Coram Deo, means, living in the presence of God.
We must pray and then act, trusting that after we have sought the Lord, He will lead us.

To second guess is to question a decision or action that has already been completed.
Often, our second guessing can be paralyzing.
We can trust God to lead us after we have prayed and sought His face.
We must live Coram Deo each day and stop second guessing God’s leading.