Companionable Silence

I married my high school sweetheart.
It is amazing to have so many shared memories.
Usually, you meet someone later in life and marry.
It is not typical to meet someone so young and build a life together.

With God’s help, we did just that.
Next month we will be married thirty-six years.
I have been married to my husband longer than I was single.
Memories pop up at random times, as I just experienced on my morning walk.

It was my birthday.
We were almost finished high school.
We were going out to dinner, though I had no idea which restaurant he would choose.
My husband always had a job; he was a hard worker so this evening was to be special.

I found a cute dress that I remembered in detail as I walked.
It was a green, summery halter dress.
I had wedge heeled sandals that tied around the ankles.
I laughed at the memory; if I had saved all my clothes they would be in fashion again.

It was a lovely restaurant.
We were given a small table and sat across from each other.
I was always the more talkative of the two of us; I still am.
That night was no different.

I was probably telling him about my summer job.
I was probably recounting some funny story or at least funny to me.
He was listening as he always did.
He seemed to be intrigued with all I had to say.

I remember thinking how well we talked together.
And we did, except often it was one-sided.
I asked him many years later if that bothered him.
He said that he enjoys listening to me and my stories; I have to believe that’s true.

Dr. James Dobson who founded Focus on the Family wrote something years ago.
It made me laugh then and still makes me smile now.
There is such truth in his words.
There are always exceptions but for the most part Dr. Dobson hit the nail on the head.

Research makes it clear that little girls are blessed with greater linguistic ability than little boys, and it remains a lifelong talent. Simply stated, she talks more than he. As an adult, she typically expresses her feelings and thoughts far better than her husband and is often irritated by his reticence. God may have given her 50,000 words per day and her husband only 25,000. He comes home from work with 24,975 used up and merely grunts his way through the evening. He may descend into Monday Night Football, while his wife is dying to expend her remaining 25,000 words. (Focus on the Family column, June 2004)

As I was walking I remembered an older couple was sitting next to us that evening.
I glanced over a few times, trying not to be too conspicuous.
They never talked.
They ate together in silence.

As I continued sharing a story and asking about his day, I saw that he glanced over as well.
I was amazed that all they did was eat.
There was no conversation, whatsoever.
He caught me looking over at them and smiled.

That will never be us, I said to him in no uncertain terms.
We will always have something to talk about, I continued.
He smiled and just looked deep into my eyes.
I looked once more at the silent couple; I was bound and determined that would not be us.

As I was walking I thought about the evenings we sit in our family room together.
He on the sofa and  me in my comfy chair.
He reading a book on his Kindle; me reading a book that I am holding in my hand.
Neither of us speak and that is just fine.

I thought of the times we go out to eat.
We have not become that silent couple.
There is always something to say.
Both of us always have something to say.

However, I thought about the car rides when only the music is playing.
I thought about the times when both of us are reading and not talking.
I thought about the lulls in conversation now that it is only the two of us most of the time.
What I did not know then but what I do know now is that there is companionable silence.

Silence that is comfortable.
Silence that is cozy.
Silence that speaks volumes.
Silence that happens when two people have been together a long time.

We are afraid of silence in this culture because it says too much.
Silence is usually filled with banter; sometimes necessary, sometimes meaningless.
In our fast paced life, that is filled with noise and soundbites, silence is deafening.
We fill the silence with noise so we never have time to be still.

The young girl I was then had no idea.
How I wish I could sit at the table with that older couple and just listen.
Listen to what a lifetime with someone really means.
Listen to what brought them together and what kept them together.

Be still, and know that I am God! (Psalm 46:10)

We often experience God’s silence.
That silence concerns us because we immediately think something is wrong.
If you have been walking with God for quite a while, silence is inevitable.
In those times, He is speaking clearly; in those times, we need to listen.

Listening prayer.
Allowing God to speak through His Word and into our hearts.
Closing our mouths long enough to hear Him whisper.
Stopping our incessant banter and being still in His presence.

That will never be us, I so naively said all those years ago.
Sometimes it is us and that is just fine.
Companionable silence happens when you are in relationship with someone for a while.
It is normal; it is welcome.

Allow yourself companionable silence with God.
Allow yourself time to let Him hold you in His love and tender mercy.
Allow yourself time to be quiet so you can hear His whisper.
In the silence, God is speaking volumes.

2 responses to “Companionable Silence”

1. This was a wonderful blog! I have lots of silence, living alone. But most of the time it just gives me time to think and for God to speak to me. I don’t want to become like the younger folks today, always on their phone or messaging each other. We need silence in our lives.

   Reply

   • Sue,
     We do need silence in our lives. We do need time to be still. It is so wonderful to know that we are never alone because God never leaves us or forsakes us.
     Gina

     Reply