The Seesaw Effect

We have experienced this at one time or another.
We have experienced an unbalanced conversation.
We know what it is like when the conversation is not give and take.
We know what it is like when the conversation is one sided.

If we are a good friend, we want to be there for the other person.
We will listen.
We will encourage.
We will provide a shoulder on which to cry.

We never begrudge the other person that caring piece of us.
That’s what friends are for, we think and possibly say.
It is when we find ourselves saying that repeatedly that it becomes a bit of a problem.
It is when the scales are unbalanced that it becomes a bit frustrating.

We have all seen a seesaw on a playground.
Children love the thrill of being lifted into the air.
That thrill only works when the seesaw is balanced.
If one person is much heavier than the other, the seesaw does not work properly.

If a parent is the only person available for the other side of the seesaw, it is quite awkward.
When the heavier parent sits down, the child goes up in the air quite easily.
However, the child does not have the weight to bring the seesaw down on their own.
The parent stays on the ground and the child stays up in the air.

If the seesaw is balanced, with two children of the same approximate weight, each has a turn.
One goes up while the other comes down.
The fun on a balanced seesaw can go on for quite some time.
So it is with life.

We have walked with friends through difficult times.
It is a privilege to walk along side them.
We are there to provide comfort.
We are there to provide support.

We do not keep a clipboard, taking note of how many times we are there for them.
We do not expect an equal amount of tally marks.
However, we hope for balance.
We hope that we are each there for the other.

I thought of a seesaw when I pondered conversation.
I pondered conversation after going to a breakfast for young moms at my church.
A few of us seasoned moms sit at each table to talk to and pray with the young moms.
A seasoned mom spoke to the young moms on the need for prayer in our parenting.

I was so blessed by the wisdom she gave to the young moms who were there that morning.
She pointed all of us to God.
She pointed all of us to His Word.
She gave a few personal stories as examples.

It was one such story that impacted me.
She spoke about teaching her two sons how to have a balanced conversation.
She taught them how to listen respectfully when another person was talking.
She taught them far more.

I prayed for my sons to ask questions when they talked to someone, she told us.
I wanted them to learn that conversation is not all about them, she continued.
In a conversation, they should not be the only one talking, she explained.
I wanted them to learn to ask the other person questions as they talked to them, she said.

It was a process that took time, she remembered.
Sometimes we had success; sometimes that important point was forgotten, she humbly said.
She spoke of a time when her sons went with her to her husband’s office.
She turned around to see her son talking to the receptionist and asking how she was doing.

It warmed my heart, she said.
All that training finally bore fruit, she told us.
They learned that conversation needs to be balanced.
They learned to talk and then ask the other person questions, as well.

I think of it as the seesaw effect.
We may be the one on the ground who keeps the seesaw in the air.
We may be the one in the air all the time.
We all know those unbalanced conversations.

I thought it was very insightful for the seasoned mom to speak on balanced conversation.
It does get frustrating after a while when the person we talk to speaks only of themselves.
It does get frustrating when the person we talk to never asks any questions about our life.
We walk away and realize that the person knows nothing about us; it was all about them.

The seesaw effect is tiring after a while.
When we check our feelings, we wonder if this should even bother us?
We feel selfish when we walk away frustrated after such a conversation.
We dismiss our feelings and say, that’s what friends are for.

However, conversations should be balanced.
We do need to ask others about their lives.
We must be intentional about not allowing our conversations to be about us.
We should determine that when we walk away, we know something about the other person.

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. (Colossians 4:6)

A grace filled conversation asks the other person about them.
Salt is a preservative, so seasoning a conversation makes sure that both people are heard.
It is important to open up a space for the other person to speak.
Balanced conversation does not come natural to us; it must be learned.

I remember hearing a Focus on the Family broadcast years ago.
A tennis match was used to explain a balanced conversation.
If you volley a tennis ball over the net, the other person volleys it back to you.
If you do not volley back, then all the tennis balls are on one side of the court.

After a while, the person who volleys with no return will get frustrated.
That person may walk off the court and not want to play any longer.
That frustration enters a conversation when one person talks all the time.
There is no volleying; there is no back and forth.

I am so grateful to the sweet seasoned mom and her gentle reminder to all of us.
What can we do to make sure that our conversations are balanced?
How can we be intentional to make sure our conversations are give and take?
If we are not careful the other person may just walk away in frustration.

Volley.
Give and Take.
Ask questions.
Keep the conversation seesaw balanced.

Lord Jesus, help us be good listeners and good speakers. Keep our conversations balanced. Let us remember that it is not about us. Keep us humble when we speak to others. In Your Name we pray.