When I Am Afraid

I had to drop something off to my friend.
She was expecting me.
I will be in the garden, she told me.
She has a massive garden, which feeds her family.

I had a full day.
When one thing is delayed, it sets everything back.
It was that kind of day.
I sent my friend a text to let her know that I would be a bit late.

She would not even realize I was late.
Out of courtesy, I needed to let her know.
I knew that time stood still in her garden.
No problem, was her response.

When I pulled into the driveway, I saw her daughter.
I have watched this sweet girl grow up before my eyes.
Smart, creative, and a lover of outdoors, she was also in her element.
Like mother, like daughter.

I noticed many other children outside as well.
They were middle school age.
All seemed to love outside as much as the sweet girl I know.
I noticed my friend’s daughter had a walkie-talkie.

I could hear the static as the button was pushed.
My friend’s daughter talked to someone on another walkie-talkie.
More static, then the response.
I got out of the car to say hello to her.

Then I saw it.
The biggest dog you could ever imagine.
The height of the dog was the height of my kitchen table.
The dog was the length of my pantry cabinet, which has two doors.

A long leash was hanging from a collar.
No one seemed to be able to grab the leash, or perhaps they didn’t want to grab it.
All the walkie-talkies were being used to make dog reports.
I could see two neighbors walking quickly towards the runaway dog.

I was frozen right there next to my car door.
I wanted to move but could not make my legs take a step.
My mind was spinning.
Do I get back in the car?

I heard myself telling my friend’s daughter that I was terribly afraid of large dogs.
I was not sure if this dog was nice or not, but I did not want to find out.
The sheer size of the dog intimidated me.
I opened the door to get in the car but the dog ran the other direction.

The walkie-talkie group saw this as an adventure.
Is your mom in the garden? I asked, knowing the answer.
She is, her daughter said as I heard more static on the walkie-talkie.
I decided I would go around the passenger side of my car and walk to the garden.

Watch out, Mrs. Gallagher, the dog is right behind you, I heard her daughter say.
Often, when I walk in the morning, I pray to be invisible to large dogs.
I know that my height is not invisible, but I pray that God would allow me not to be seen.
That is what I did, as I glanced over my shoulder and saw the massive dog.

I did not want the dog to jump up on me from behind.
I knew that he could easily knock me over.
I did not want to be bitten like I was by a German Shepherd over thirty years ago.
I just wanted to walk to the garden and see my friend.

God heard my prayer.
The dog took off in the other direction.
I could still hear static and saw children running this way and that.
The neighbors finally got their dog and went back to their own yard.

I was scared.
It is amazing how something that happened so many years ago can still be a trigger.
All those fears you thought you put safely away, rear their ugly head.
The dog was different but the fear was the same.

Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”  “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” (Matthew 14:22-33)

So many times, Jesus says, Do not be afraid.
In this incident, when Jesus was walking on the water, the disciples were terrified.
People do not walk on water.
Gravity takes over and people sink.

Peter wanted to know if it really Jesus he was seeing, walking on the water.
It is I. Don’t be afraid, Jesus answered Peter.
Those words are the English translation of Jesus’ words.
Literally, Jesus said: I am. No fear.

I am.
No fear.
I am.
No fear.

God’s got this.
God’s got this because He is the great, I AM.
We truly have nothing to fear.
However, in the moment, we forget that and we let fear take over.

In this fallen world, there are many things that will make us afraid.
Our God is the great I AM.
He can handle it.
I am. No fear.

 

2 responses to “When I Am Afraid”

1. Cody is a 180 lb. Great Dane. He stands at just over 4 feet tall. She is not exaggerating at his size. Although he is friendly he is not trained and often pulls the leash away and takes off. My kids have been trained to stand still and apparently that was being passed along on the walkies as well.

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   • Marcie, that dog was HUGE! I never knew how big he was until I read your comment. I was terribly frightened! I am glad I got to see you, friend.
     Gina

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