The Wonder And The Work Of It All

Today is our Anniversary.
Thirty-two years ago today, I married my high school sweetheart.
We have been blessed with five children.
We have lived in one apartment and three houses.
We have made many memories.

Our culture has a romanticized view of marriage.
Movies and books depict an idealized version of marriage.
No one talks about the wonder and the work of it all.
It takes work to make anything last…anything worthwhile that is.

No one talks about the first fight when you think the honeymoon is over.
Our first fight was about toothpaste.
I was raised with nothing on the bathroom sink but soap and a toothbrush.
He was raised with all the things you need around you.

I would put the toothpaste away; he would take it out again and leave the cap off.
I would politely put it away, and he would take it out again, and leave the cap off.
That went on for about a week.
After discussion, tears, and wrong expectations were put on the table, we could move on.
Compromise: he gets to keep things around the sink, I get the cap of the toothpaste on!

No one talks about the things that can sideline you.
Little things that are so insignificant until they build up.
They build up with the momentum of a snowball rolling downhill.
Couples have to learn how to communicate, learn how to argue, learn how to compromise.

Two imperfect people are coming together in marriage; blending their two lives.
Two ways of being raised, two ways of handling conflicts, two sets of expectations.
Each storm you weather: toothpaste caps, finances, child rearing, make you stronger.
The covenant you made before God is the glue.

You don’t run away.
You run to HIM.

I heard once that it is wise to spend less time talking to your husband about God and more time talking to God about your husband.
Such wisdom for husbands and wives.

A man and a woman come together for various reasons.
Attraction is vital, but the relationship must grow in love as it deepens and strengthens.

Children will always ask their parents how they met and when they fell in love.
My children got interesting answers.
They know that their Dad and I met in high school and went to the proms together.
They know we talked on pay phones once a week in college and wrote actual letters.
They know that like turned to love in a quiet unassuming way over time.

I also wanted them to know that hard things brought us together as well.
Those hard things solidified us as a couple.

The year after my mother died, my husband’s brother died in a tragic car accident.
At 16, and then a year later, at 17 years old, we both experienced the death of a loved one.
We experienced together what many couples don’t experience until much later in life.

I would not wish that experience on anyone.
We shared a bond that no one else quite understood.
We got through those hard things together.

Those tragedies showed us the fragility of life.
Those hard things made us treasure every day because nothing is guaranteed.

My husband promised me that he would always take care of me.
He knew that it felt as if the rug was pulled out from under me.
Losing my mother and then losing my father because of a difficult remarriage situation.
My husband has kept his promise all these years.

In so many ways, my husband and I couldn’t be more different!
He has what I lack and I have what he lacks.
We’re a good team, he always says.
We are.

The world needs to see marriage the way God intended.
The world needs to see the wonder and work of it all.
The world needs to see a man and a woman going through life together.
Two years, twelve, twenty-two, thirty-two…fifty-two.
The world needs to see committed love.

Another thing you do : You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because He no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are His. And why one? Because He was seeking Godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. (Malachi 2:13-15)

Two together.
Two different.
ONE in covenant before God.

The wonder and the work of it all.

 

 

 

2 responses to “The Wonder And The Work Of It All”

1. Thanks for sharing Gina, we just celebrated 34 years and the tough times definitely make the relationship stronger…love at this age is so precious, it has been interesting thorough life to see what situations God has seen used to draw us together and make us one… Thanks again. Happy Anniversary!!!!!!!!!!! Janet

   Reply

   • That is so true, Janet.
     As sweet as “young love” is, “seasoned” love, that has weathered the storms, is to be treasured.
     Gina

     Reply