Mar
21
2014
Coming Alongside
Posted in Discipleship 6 Comments
It was almost the end of our Bible study.
A woman shared a memory as it related to a passage we were studying.
Old feelings and emotions came to the surface.
She seemed embarrassed that she placed her heart on the table.
Nothing happens apart from God’s will.
There are no accidents.
There are no coincidences.
One woman’s heart helped other women’s hearts.
That’s the way it is supposed to be here.
We are not to be an island.
Instead, we are to be like ripples in a pond.
Each one touching another as they venture out.
A young mother spoke up.
With tears in her eyes, she thanked the more seasoned mother for her honesty.
Another young mother spoke up.
She agreed and said that she needed to hear all that was said.
The three encouraged each other.
The two learning from the one.
The one has walked where the two are walking.
They are gleaning from her fields of wisdom.
The heart of the matter was the stay-at-home mom.
The condescending tone; the misspoken words that they have received so often.
Oh, you don’t work?
Don’t you go crazy at home with your children all day?
The feeling of second best.
The perceived need to defend herself in the face of a more “progressive” women.
Feeling shabby and worn out.
Feeling like you are seen as a glorified maid.
I went to a college that was for women long before it became co-ed.
I took a German class and had a teacher that did not want you to speak any English.
One day, she began class with a question.
What do you want to do after graduation?
The girls in the class all answered with lofty goals.
There were aspiring doctors, lawyers, and researchers all around me.
She finally got to me and asked the same question.
I answered truthfully: I want to be a wife and mother.
You could have heard a pin drop.
All eyes darted right to her, to check her reaction.
She laughed; my professor laughed.
The other girls soon followed.
I felt myself getting red.
I never backed down.
That was my heart’s desire, whether or not it was a popular decision.
I didn’t appreciate being made to feel second best.
Women have bought into the lie that you are not successful unless you have it all.
Having it all means having a husband, children, and a career.
Raising a family is not seen as a career.
It is seen as something you do until you have a real job someday.
Isolation.
Loneliness.
No sense of community.
These are the laments of many young mothers.
They are doing the most important job in the world, yet they feel dishonored.
They are training the next generation, yet they feel inadequate.
They are the example of sacrificial living, yet they are disrespected.
We can do better.
Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. (Titus 2:3-5)
Instead of judging the worth of someone by what they do, we encourage.
Instead of putting someone down, we lift them up and respect them.
Instead of forcing women to defend themselves, we validate them.
Instead of worshiping the smorgasbord of choices, we worship God alone.
The further we get from God and His word, the more we live by arbitrary standards.
The more we worship the smorgasbord, the more we judge the a la carte.
There is nobility to being a wife and mother.
The world will not tell a young mother that, but we older women must.
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; our of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees her trading as profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected in the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, let her works bring her praise at the city gate. (Proverbs 31:10-31)
We need to do better.
We need to encourage the women that choose to stay home with their children.
We need to encourage the women who want to be at home but must work to pay the bills.
We are shooting ourselves in the foot when we demean another woman.
God’s word has described a loving, caring, capable, and industrious woman in His word.
What woman can you encourage today?
What woman needs to see herself the way God sees her?
You, that have gone before, have a job to do.
Come alongside her; remind her of her value and worth before God.
Dear Gina,
Lovely blog! Exactly what many of us need to hear! Thank you!
Marion
Marion,
We all need to walk alongside and encourage each other.
What a blessing to study God’s word with you.
Gina
It was an honor to share today with these younger Mothers. The Spirit was among us and the emotions just flowed out. I love these unexpected moments in life that are just fresh and raw but most importantly, Real! It is always a blessing to be used by the Holy Spirit.
Karen,
God used you greatly.
Thank you for your transparency.
Gina
Gina, what a gentle presentation, but powerful message to bring to women who stay at home to work and those who enter the work place. Both these women are held to the same standard, ‘Train up the children in the way they should go’. Oh, how I longed to be at home with my children, to do all of the special things that create memories, things that could be passed on to generations, but more importantly, for bonding and nurturing the children, and the family. What is most important is, teaching the children in the morning and teaching them in the evening, teaching the commandments of the Lord Jesus, as our heavenly Father commanded us to do. He set the ultimate example demonstrating his love for us. The stay at home mother is considered by many to have a blessed opportunity, but the responsibilities remain the same. Often it is not a choice. For those whose circumstances of life causes the Proverbs 31 character to emerge forcefully. Be strong and courageous, for both who stay at home and those who chose to work, because much is required from the Mother. I have the greatest respect for my daughter because she had a choice and she chose to stay at home with her children until school age. Mothering is the most important job in the world as discussed in my book, “We Were Born To Shine…Because We Believe,” written from the point of view of a teacher of the children who comes from both the stay at home Mom and the Mother who does both.
Ruth,
All young mothers need to be encouraged as they raise their children. Whether at home, or at work, with their heart at home, they need older women to come alongside them. Seasoned mothers who will tell them I have been where you are. You can do this. You ARE doing the most important job in the world.
Gina