The Crutch

When our oldest daughter was twenty-eight-months-old, we had our second daughter.
She was so excited about having a new little brother or sister.
She was so excited about getting a big girl bed.
She couldn’t wait to see her new teddy bear comforters on her new bed.

She would be moving into her big girl room across the hall from the nursery.
She went into the room so many times throughout the day.
We decided to buy bunk beds that could be separated into two twin beds.
She liked the idea of having another bed in her room.

I found a wall hanging that fit the bear theme.
It was a bear theme since Teddy was her best friend.
Teddy, the bear that looked like a monkey with his long arms and legs.
Teddy, the bear that went everywhere with her and could never be washed.

We made preparations for the new baby who would be born in less than a month.
We had talked about the changes, making them fun and exciting.
It seemed as if the transition would go smoothly.
I never could have imagined.

The big girl room was set up and ready for her.
We read books about getting a big girl bed.
All of her favorite toys were in her room.
All of her favorite stuffed animals were on her bed with a special place for Teddy.

Bath time came and then drying off in a warm, fluffy towel.
Brushing teeth came next as she stood on the bathroom footstool.
A walk down the hall passing the door of the nursery and turning into her new room.
She had to climb into bed from the end since there was a guardrail along the entire length.

She got into bed and I tucked her in.
I sat on the floor next to her and read a favorite book.
I sat on the floor next to her and sang her favorite song.
I kissed her goodnight and turned to walk out the door.

As soon as the door was closed, the crying began.
Loud crying.
Uncontrollable crying.
Get me out! She screamed in a house with no central air conditioning and all open windows.

My husband came running up the stairs to see what was wrong.
The screaming was coming from her room.
Get me out! was being repeated over and over.
I sat at the top of the stairs with my head in my hands and my pregnant belly out in front of me.

I never saw this coming.
She was so excited to get her big girl bed.
She was so excited to be in her big girl room.
She was so happy that bears were everywhere with a special place for Teddy on her new bed.

That was until the planning became a reality.
Then it hit her that everything was changing.
Then it hit her that all she knew before was across the hall.
Then she realized that her life was going to be very different.

She was screaming in her bed.
Because of the guard rail, she never attempted to climb over it in order to get out.
She was a distraught little girl in her new big girl bed with a very pregnant mommy in tears.
What don’t you go for a walk, my husband encouraged.

We had quickly decided that we would ride this out a bit.
The nursery was needed for the new baby who would be arriving soon.
It broke my heart to hear the pain in her little voice.
I took my husband’s suggestion and went for a walk.

As I was rounding the last curve approaching my house, I heard her.
It was late June and all the windows were open.
I heard, Get me out, Which seemed to be carried on the summer night’s breeze.
Tears were falling down my own face as I went up the driveway to the front door.

Finally, she wore herself out.
We did not hear any more screaming.
We both opened the door a crack to see her asleep on the floor.
She somehow realized she could climb out of bed but she did not open the door.

She was holding her beloved Teddy in her arms.
She was safe.
We decided to let her sleep there since lifting her would wake her up.
When I went in to get her the next morning, it was as if the night before never happened.

Until we passed the nursery.
My bed! She said pointing to the crib.
Your big girl bed is in your big girl room, I said pleasantly.
No! My bed! She said still pointing.

I dreaded bedtime that night.
Young parents think that they need to help their children fall asleep.
When, in actuality, sleep is learned like everything else.
My husband and I decided to hold our ground.

It would have been so much easier to let her sleep in the crib again.
We would have gotten a good night’s sleep.
We would not have had to listen to the crying that happened on the second night as well.
However, allowing her to sleep in the crib would be delaying the inevitable.

The next day was Saturday and my husband had an idea.
He went into the nursery carrying his toolbox.
We are putting the crib away, he said.
And he began to take the crib apart.

When the crib was disassembled, he put all the pieces in the nursery closet.
When our oldest daughter passed the nursery, the crib was gone.
Her little hands went up in the air in confusion.
Where’s my bed? she asked bewildered.

Daddy put the crib away until the baby comes, I said lovingly.
But you have your big girl bed with the teddy bear comforters, I reminded her.
And I know that Teddy loves to sleep there with you, I said emphasizing the word, Love.
She hugged Teddy tightly to her chest.

For He will hide me in His shelter in the day of trouble; He will conceal me under the cover of His tent; He will lift me high upon a rock. (Psalm 27:5)

We all have crutches that we lean on.
We lean on them because they are comfortable.
We lean on them because we have grown used to them.
We fight change even when the change is good and necessary.

We lean on crutches of our own making.
We lean on crutches because they have always been there.
We lean on crutches out of habit.
We lean on crutches even when we can easily walk without them on our own.

Sometimes those crutches have to be removed.
Sometimes God comes with His tool box and removes all that we have been leaning on.
We scream, Get me out; we want to run and hide.
We want to wait for the storm to pass and then everything will go back to normal.

But there are new normals.
There are new adventures beyond the comfort of the way things used to be.
There is a bit of sadness and wistfulness for the things we are leaving behind.
But the leaving is necessary for growth.

God will hide you.
God will conceal you.
God will lift you up.
God will shelter you.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. (Psalm 46:1)
Get rid of your crutch.
It is OK.
God has you and will not let you go.