So Sure Of Myself

When I was pregnant with my first baby I was so naive.
I had a few baby books that taught me what to expect during delivery.
The doctor answered many of my questions.
Some things just had to be experienced to be understood.

A mother never anticipates anything but a textbook birth.
Your due date is given and that is the date you aim towards.
An ultrasound was done but we didn’t want to know whether the baby was a boy or a girl.
We wanted to be surprised.

April 4, 1984, was my due date.
Three months of morning sickness ended as abruptly as it began.
The next few months were full of energy and excitement.
As I got towards the end of my pregnancy, nesting had begun.

That is when a mother seems to know her time is coming soon.
I began to clean things that were already clean and organize closets that called to me.
I did this as I anticipated the baby I would soon be bringing home.
My bag was packed; I was ready to go, as the old song said.

I had an appointment two weeks before the baby was due.
Your baby is breech, the doctor told me.
That was the first I ever heard of that since nothing was out of the ordinary before.
You have two weeks until your due date; the baby will turn, the doctor said confidently.

The next day was a Friday.
My husband and I had gone to the mall simply to window shop and walk around.
We came home and I didn’t feel right.
We went to bed and at 11:00 I woke him up.

It was time.
Two weeks early or not, our baby was coming.
Breech birth or not, our baby wanted to enter the world.
The doctor seemed skeptical when my husband called, since I was just seen in the office.

These first time parents, I could imagine him saying.
My husband drove to the hospital much faster than the speed limit.
Our baby was coming.
I was whisked away upon entering the hospital while my husband filled out paperwork.

I was brought to the labor room.
It was determined that since the baby was breech, a C-section must be performed.
My husband arrived just in time to hear that news.
Our baby had another plan.

Our baby would have none of it.
Our baby was coming and there was no time to do anything but assist.
Teams of doctors surrounded me as they rushed me into the delivery room.
The nurses were trying to help me remember how to breathe to hold off the birth of this baby.

I remember hearing all the talk around me.
First baby. Breech.
Everyone was on heightened alert.
They were anticipating problems since I had no birth history as reference.

Our baby girl came into the world backward and folded in half, two weeks early.
She came into the world with a full head of gorgeous dark hair.
She came into the world healthy and seemingly no worse for wear.
She was the darling of the nursery because of all that could have happened to her.

She grew up to be an All-American athlete.
She started and played in every college lacrosse game in her four year career.
She still holds the defensive records for her college in women’s lacrosse.
She still is incredibly flexible and double jointed.

God protected my precious baby that night.
God gets all the glory.
I was afraid but had to focus on the job of giving birth.
The team around me admitted later that things could have turned out much differently.

I was so grateful to God for the safe delivery of our baby girl.
However, when I began to get motherhood under my belt a bit, I began to rely on me.
When I was carrying our second child, I was so confident.
I delivered two weeks early the first time, I knew that I would deliver early the second time.

I did, but only nine days early.
When I carried my third child, I was so sure that I would deliver early yet again.
June 27, was the due date.
Two weeks came and went; nine days came and went.

My claim that I always deliver early was beginning to be proven false.
On a night in late June, my oldest daughter fell off her bike and hit her mouth.
She was only five years old with baby teeth, but there were still concerns.
She ended up being fine, praise God, but that night the baby I was carrying decided to turn.

When I went for my appointment the next day, I was told my baby was breech.
I was told that I was in labor.
I was told that I would need a C-section since my baby was bigger than the other two.
My husband gave the necessary permission.

Our first son came into the world only four days before his due date and almost nine pounds.
I learned that relying on me was false.
My second son was born eighteen days early yet was still eight pounds.
My youngest daughter kept us waiting the longest, being born only two days before she was due.

I got quieter with each pregnancy concerning due dates, early delivery, and past experiences.
It was not up to me.
I was not in control.
I learned humility as I went through the births of my children.

I thought of my so-sure-of-myself attitude when I was reading one of Paul’s letters.
One verse hit me and challenged me.
I remember how I used to be and could easily be again.
I know the lessons I have learned.

Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.
(2 Corinthians 3:4,5)

We have no right to boast about anything.
We cannot predict that which only God controls.
We learn humility when we realize how very much we are at God’s mercy.
God does not do anything in a cookie cutter fashion.

God works uniquely in our lives and in our circumstances.
God alone deserves the glory.
We cannot take the credit for anything.
All we have and all we are is because of Him.

I think of leaders who boast in themselves.
I think about how God can build up and God can tear down.
God is in control; our boasting is futile.
God is in control; our competence is because of Him.

On the appointed day, Herod wearing his royal robes, sat on his throne and delivered a public address to the people. They shouted, “This is the voice of a god not a man.” Immediately, because Herod did not give praise to God, an angel of the Lord struck him down, and he was eaten by worms and died. But the Word of God continued to increase and spread.
(Acts 12:21-24)

Leaders are especially vulnerable to boasting.
Power often goes to their heads.
They claim that they alone are able to solve the problems of the world.
God will not share His glory with anyone.

In the big things, in the little things, God alone gets the glory.
We can be sure of only one thing.
God is in control.
Anything else is false bravado that will ultimately be proven wrong.