The Abuse

The first half of this blog post was originally published on March 8, 2014.
It has been expanded with additional thoughts and reflections.

It was the season for school plays.
Many of the area high schools put on elaborate performances.
They incorporate the talents of musicians, artists, and costume designers.
They tap into the talent of the actors, actresses, singers, and dancers.

I have fond memories of being in my high school productions.
I was usually part of the chorus.
I loved being dressed in costume and see the lights come up and the audiences fade.
Being part of the play required commitment.

Whether you had a large part or a small one, you were expected to come to practice.
There were main roads to my high school, but to save time, I often took back roads.
Sometimes, those of us who lived near each other would share the driving.
Often, because of other activities, we needed to drive alone.

I remember one such night.

I left my house and decided to take the back roads since I wanted to be on time.
Music was playing on the radio and I was singing along.
Suddenly, a car came out of a side street and was behind me.
It’s lights were blinding in my rear view mirror.

I tilted my mirror to see if that helped the glare.
Every time I touched the mirror, they would blink their high beams on and off.
If it had been an emergency, they could have easily gotten around me.
There was no traffic on these back roads.

They got very close to the back bumper of my car.
Then they would retreat.
Closer.
Retreat.

My mind was racing with possibilities.
I couldn’t pull over because that would be unsafe.
I needed to get to a main road.
I needed to get to school.

There was no turning around.
There was only forward.
Going forward with someone close behind.
I could see the silhouettes of the young men in the car behind me.

I was so scared.
I could hear them hollering things behind me.
Teasing. Taunting.
Using their car to play a game of cat and mouse.

Except I wasn’t playing.
I wanted to cry, but I had to keep my wits about me.
Even when I finally reached my high school, the gym entrance was in the back.
The parking lot was scattered with the cars of cast and crew.

Close to the gym entrance, were the handicapped parking spaces.
That area of the parking lot seemed the best lit.
The lights of the school were shining brightly through the glass doors.
Those lights were like a beacon of safety to me.

The car followed me into the parking lot.
It swerved back and forth in the back lot where no cars were parked.
It came closer and then retreated, just like it had been doing the entire way.
My mind was racing; how do I get out of the car alone and walk into the building?

There was no one outside.
Everyone had already gone in.
I felt extremely vulnerable.
I pulled into a handicapped parking space, as close to the entrance as I could get.

I looked in the doors and saw someone I knew walking near the entrance.
I held my hand on my car horn until she turned around.
I kept it there until she came to the door.
I could see the car inching closer and closer, yet still staying in the shadows.

She opened the glass door.
I grabbed my purse and my keys and ran out, yelling her name.
I got inside still shaking from the ordeal.
The car made a large doughnut in the parking lot and sped away.

The young men inside the car were laughing and hollering as they left.

Are you alright? She asked, looking terribly afraid herself.
I am now. I don’t know how to thank you.
I sat down on the steps and cried.
I was safe, but I thought of all that could have happened.

_____________________________________________________________

This story happened to me over forty years ago.
The emotions are still right below the surface all these years later.
Young men targeted me that night and tried to exert power and control over me.
Young men I did not know played a game of cat and mouse, except I was not playing.

I was very afraid that night.
I have thought many times about what could have happened.
For many young women, the outcome is vastly different.
Through no fault of their own, many young women become a victim.

They are targeted in order to make someone else feel more powerful.
They are selected based on their appearance.
They are objectified without knowing anything about them.
They are used and tossed aside, seen as a conquest to brag about.

I have three daughters and two sons.
I have raised my sons to respect women; any form of disrespect was not tolerated.
I have raised my daughters to command respect and expect respect.
I have raised my daughters to accept nothing less.

I remind my girls that they are my daughter.
There is a sense of dignity that goes with our family name.
They are valuable because God made them and they are created in His image.
I remind them that they are daughters of their King Jesus.

We have been hearing repeated news reports concerning the abuse of women.
We have been hearing immoral bravado that is being dismissed as locker room talk.
Where is our outrage?
When will we stop making excuses?

None of us would allow this type of talk and behavior in our living rooms.
However, under the guise of news, we accept it.
That has to stop!
No one has the right to demean anyone for any reason, at any time.

We tolerate this vulgarity thinking that the ends justify the means.
How wrong we are!
God cares more about how we get to the end of our journey.
Can we look God in the face and justify this in any way?

Can we turn on the news and feel comfortable that our young children are within earshot?
Can we truly say that the people we hold up as standard bearers represent us in any way?
Can we continue to justify immorality and dishonesty and expect God to bless us?
Can we honestly say that we are honoring the Lord Jesus by accepting this behavior?

We teach our children morality yet dismiss it in our leaders.
We make excuses for things because we are looking for a tenuous prize we think is at the end.
This double standard will only confuse our children and teach them to distrust authority.
If we do not stand up for righteousness, who will?

Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers and younger women as sisters with absolute purity. (1 Timothy 5:2)

The LORD detests lying lips, but He delights in people who are trustworthy. (Proverbs 12:22)

This is the behavior God has laid out in His Word.
How are we doing?
How are our leaders doing?
Can we look God in the eye and justify this immorality and our silence?

Can we?